There is good evidence that stimulant medications help symptoms of ADHD. So I wasn't surprised when the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, suggested I try them.
I wasn’t expecting profound results. After all, I’d managed to live with ADHD and zero medications for 40 years! Was it even worth giving it a go?
I’m glad I did.
First day of medication.
Saturday at home.
Tasks of life: no longer wading through mud.
I have kids and myself to get ready in the morning. Getting started has always been the biggest hurdle. It’s like being lost in a whirlwind of tasks. I struggle to prioritise and know where to begin. The more I delay, the worse my anxiety, and the more I delay.
But this day, I visualise tasks in order, with a clear end in sight. I simply progress from one to the next. I wasn’t impatient with the kiddos. I enjoyed little moments of connection - pause for a knock-knock joke, pause to watch cartwheels. I wasn't anxious they’d derail my mental checklist. Loading everyone in the car for Saturday sport, I didn’t long to go back to bed and recover my energy. Strange.
Driving a car. I felt unusually calm. The information in my environment was clear, presenting itself with plenty of time to make decisions. The kids’ chatting in the backseat didn’t unsettle me. I could drive safely without channelling the hypervigilance of a tightrope walker.
At sport. Other parents strike up a conversation. Normally I dread these social gymnastics. I’d put on a polite outward mask, but inwardly struggle. Being a good conversation partner is not easy when you have executive dysfunction, and your working memory doesn’t…..work. It takes all my might to keep track of: who said what, who’s turn it is to speak, and my own rapid ideas (trying desperately to not forget them). l’d tire in seconds. Find an excuse to escape! But not today. I process and follow the chat for a good 10 minutes. I interrupt less, hold my ideas longer, ask a few questions of my own. It’s nice to have my inside efforts match my outside performance.
Back home, more tasks, more time with the kids. So much of parenting is interruption!
Sweet insistent questions pierce my concentration:
“Mum, can I make an experiment with bubble liquid and toothpaste?”
“You know how there used to be water and rivers on Mars, what happened to it?”
“Why is there a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but no Kids Day?”
Normally an interruption mid-task fills me with tightening anxiety – because thanks to executive dysfunction I might not remember to go back to the job.
Milk left out of the fridge.
Email stuck in “drafts” because I didn’t hit “send”.
Wet laundry going mouldy in the washer.
But not today! It’s like I can hang a task to the side of my brain, and there it stays just in sight until I’m ready to pick it up again. Interruptions? No worries.
I finish the day with energy to spare.
It’s validating to realize my whole life has been like dragging myself through quicksand.
I never realised everyone else was walking on firm ground.
I do get side effects. Insomnia and loss of appetite. The loss of appetite was manageable – my hunger came back after the medication wore off each evening. I just ate more later in the day! The insomnia was awful initially, but my smart psychiatrist was onto it. Dose adjustment was all I needed to get decent sleep.
Medication is not the right choice for every ADHDer. It’s an individual balance of benefits and side effects. The best results seem to happen when you combine medication with other strategies - like learning executive function skills.
I’m so glad I gave stimulant medicines a go. Now that I have the brain energy for learning, not just surviving, I can work to learn better ways of supporting myself and my Autistic and ADHDer kids.
Have you tried medication, or other strategies for ADHD? How did it go?
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